D.B.Tarpley's Amazing Ass Blog #9

Greetings people and peoplettes. What does that even mean, ‘peoplettes’? That’s not a word… what a stupid way to start a blog - a stupid word by a stupid man. Hello, my name is Reilly. I am D.B.Tarpley’s dog but I get to call him David because we are cool and stuff. He is asleep now so I am taking over his blog. He rarely sleeps because he has something called Severe Sleep Apnea. It has been said that his life is a waking nightmare. I don’t know about all that, I’m just a dog. I… excuse me I have to lick my penis………………………………………… Ah, soooo much better. Nothing like a good dick lickin. Where was I? Oh yeah, I’m just a dog. I figured I would let him sleep and not wake him up. He is so cute when he sleeps. Sometimes when he sleeps I walk up to him and lick the inside of his mouth with my dick lickin tongue. That is love. He talks a lot in his sleep. Images and characters run through his noggin as if some bored brat were channel surfing the ultimate cable system. He speaks in this Mrs. Doubtfire voice that makes my ears prick up. I’m all like, ‘That’s crazy stoopid.’ And he says the weirdest shit in his sleep: “Licky slobbery thing” “Date rape spider” “Hammer the heckler” “Slurp some slurm” “Give them all butt aids” “Blossum = prolapsed rectum” “Widah is the Way” “Mr. Pickles is a cat.” Weird, freaky shit like that. Speaking of weird shit, I haven’t eaten any quality poo in quite some time. I like it hot fresh and softly curled, with just a hint of lamb. Oh my, he just rolled over and whimpered in a high pitched voice, “Oh nooooooooooo!” He hasn’t been sleeping well since he wrote ‘Lick the Razor.’ He seemed fine before that, just a normal every day loveable master… bator. Hee hee hee. Hold on, penis break……………. Oh yeah. Nothing like the smell of fresh doggie cock in the morning. Something changed when he wrote that book. Something deep inside him broke. The nightmares became too much and he poured them out one right after another out all over the paper. He left so much of himself on the pages of that book he is now nothing but a shadow… a cute, snoring, Mrs. Doubtfire sounding shadow. I think I’m going to go hump his face. Until next time, keep chasing Mr. Pickles and have an amazing ass… ass? That reminds me… ‘lick, lick, lick, lickety lick lick.’