D.B.Tarpley's Amazing Ass Blog 4/2/18

Greetings and salutations people and peoplettes, I’m back. Guess who’s back? That’s right I’m back. This is the first of what I hope will be many fresh status updates. Soooooo… where do I begin? I do have a couple of serious topics I immediately wish to discus. But I don’t want to do so on this first entry. Maybe I need some practice writing again, maybe I just want to use this as a loose update. ‘Maybe’ is such an odd word when you think about it. It is like a four year old smooshed his words together in a way which would only be cute for them…. cute-specific as it were… cutific. “Did you break this lamp you little fucker?” (Shrugs shoulders) “Maybe.” “Awe, I can’t stay mad at you. Come over here and let me fart in your face.” Ahhhh, memories. Meeeeeeeemmmrieeeeeeeesssssss… in the corner of my miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiind. My inner Barbra came out. I hear Dolly Pardon sang a version of that song. She called it, ‘Mammaries.’ Where was I? Oh yes, updating my life. I just published ‘Pickle Party’ which is my seventh book and I plan to immediately swing into production on ‘The Death of Death’ which will be book 8 as well as the last book in my vampire series involving Mr. F/ Gnat/ and Penny. involving Mr. F/ Gnat/ and Penny. After that I will work on my one-shot western, ’27 Smoking Holes’, before launching into my Psychotic love trilogy which begins with ‘Lunatic Moon.’ So I feel I am ‘on track’ as it were. This glorious website is now up and running and I will try to put up as many new blog entries as I can. If you read something you like, please feel free to share it because your mouth is my number one marketing tool. Trust me, anything you can do to help an independent artist is greatly appreciated. Athena looks kindly on it. Yesterday was April Fools, and on a whim, right before bed I posted that I was giving up on writing to deal with my recent diagnosis. I thought for sure the people who knew me would know I would never give up on my writing. I got tons of responses of concern from all sorts of friends and fans who wanted nothing but the best for me. I never would have thought my footprint made that much of an impact. And I wonder if they would have been as concerned if they knew the diagnosis has been gingivitis? I’m kidding, I don’t have gingivitis. Only bitches and snitches get gingivitis and I am neither. Anywho, all is well faithful reader. Expect to read new stuff real soon and pick up a copy of my latest ‘Pickle Party’ if you want a good laugh.

“WHAT WAS THAT? YOU’RE FROM OKLAHOMA! ONLY 2 THINGS COME FROM OKLAHOMA BOY, QUEERS AND STEERS!!! NOW WHICH ARE YOU, A QUEER OR A STEER?”

“Hold on, only 2 things come from Oklahoma?”

“What? I, WHAT? WHICH IS IT BOY? ARE YOU A QUEER OR A STEER? DON’T YOU EYEBALL ME BOY? WHICH IS IT?”

“Eyeball you?”

“Don’t… you know… poke me with your eye… um… JUST DON’T DO IT!!!”

“I would have to say I am a queer.”

“WHAT?”

“A queer. Since I come from Oklahoma and those are my only two options.”

“Um… I DON’T SEE NO HORNS ON YOUR HEAD BOY, I…”

“I know. I just said I am a queer.” “

You… um… ARE YOU SURE?”

“Yes sir, in the context of this discussion I am certain. And never fear, my queer eyeballs are not acting aggressive toward you.”

“Well…. THANK YOU CADET!!!”

“You are most welcome.”

“Um… very good then.”

“Can I ask you a question sir?”

“YES YOU CAN!”

“How are we going to end this bit?”

“I DON’T KNOW!!! MAYBE I SHOULD SUCK YOUR PECKER!!!”

Have an amazing ass day.