D.B.Tarpley's Amazing Ass Blog-4/13/18

Greetings and salutations people and peoplettes,

Sigh,

People suck.

I can’t help but think this every morning as I drive to work. Everyone is an idiot. Nothing brings out the worst in people like the sense of self-importance driving gives them. And heaven forbid someone gets in a crash right? It’s always the other person’s fault.

Normally I run across a smattering of assholes from the race car driver who will zip around to squeeze in front and then be stuck in the exact same traffic you both have been stuck in for the past hour/ to the meandering farmer who has nowhere to go yet insists on driving his tractor in the left lane because he has to make a left turn 5 miles up the road. Yes, this can be and often is a daily occurrence; but today things were different. They were worse.

I was late waking up. I hit every red light on the way to work. I spilled my coffee all over my pants - searing my testicles like figs on a spit. The overweight lady in the ill-fitting orange vest guiding the traffic through the school zone yelled surprisingly creative and emasculating obscenities at me as I passed.

I’m pretty sure she wants some of what I got.

I don’t know what is going on. It is almost as if I am having…

Bad luck.

Wait, what day is it?

…

Agh!!!!!!!!

It’s Friday the 13th!!!!

O.K. people, I am pulling your leg a bit. I realize the day has been immortalized through pop-culture slasher cinema of the 80’s, but c’mon now. Does anyone truly believe that a day, any day, could control the level of luck one has? Especially a day which doesn’t hit the same marks year to year.

The Earth is spinning on its axis, rotating around the sun, in the middle of the Milky Way Galaxy which is collectively hurdling through space at thousands of miles a second. It is never in the same space when the date occurs. So if it is not spacial and it is not linked to a specific increment of time then what is Friday the 13th and why do some people dread it so?

Again, dropping the meme heavy images of Jason Voorhees, where does this mass cultural superstition come from? And to what level does it affect people in this day and age?

Alexa?

Yes, Sexy Pants.

(Don;t judge me for how I program my Alexa.)

Can you tell me where the observance of Friday the 13th comes from?

The day occurs one to three times a year. The fear of the number 13 is called ‘triskaidekaphobia’. But the phobia in and of itself doesn’t account for the majority of the hoodoo associated with the date. It is believed that the stigma surrounding this day arose during the middle ages amidst the belief that there were thirteen people present at the Last Supper and that this supper occurred the night before the Christian Messiah’s death on Good Friday.

Thanks a lot Jesus!

While Friday and Thirteen have both been associated with bad luck it wasn’t until the 19th century that the conjoined phrase was noted as being a day of ill omens. Subsequently, there was a popular book released in 1907 called ‘Friday the Thirteenth’ which helped spur the day’s infamy in the cultural lexicon. And it amazes me that even though the book itself is long since forgotten, not considered a hallmark of American literature, its subconscious impact on our culture remains.

And of course now we have Kane Hodder and his iconic portrayal of a scared little orphan boy forever trapped in the woods of his misbegotten childhood. The popular film series which bears the Gregorian title we have been discussing is now indelibly fused in our collective ID with the image of a hockey mask, (an image which wasn’t even introduced until the third film.) The franchise has undoubtedly - through its 11 film initial run, not counting the abysmal reboot – cemented the notion of the day’s observance for years to come.

Which means what? That because of whatever reason, Christ/ book/ movie, people across America have a false sense of ‘knowledge’ that today is evil and that unlucky things will happen to them. This is how superstition works people. It is a notion whispered from person to person around a room until the end product is nowhere near what was initially uttered. There is no ill will today. You will not have bad luck, whatever that is. And if you do it won’t be because the word Friday comes before the word 13.

I wonder if casinos have notoriously low attendance on this day. I looked it up but apparently the internet doesn’t know everything.

Thanks a lot Jesus!

Because you know... he has the whole world in his hands.

And the internet is part of the world.

So, um... ipso facto and what not.

Just makes sense he jacked it all up.

Stupid carpenter.

Um, now Monday the 13th… that day will fuck you up real good.

Until next time, stay out of Vegas, and as always –

Have an amazing ass day. ‘`